James has discovered gogurt... and don't you even think about taking it out of his mouth. He is not scared to cause a scene.

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The Birthday Boy

I still cannot believe that James is a year, the day is almost over - we celebrated with friends and talked about how much we cannot believe it... and still it has not sunk in.

We have come a long way in the past year. And we can't wait for the next one - it will only get better!

A year ago...

I loved being pregnant. Every single moment. I was sick as a dog and lost four pounds my first three months but would do it again a trillion times over. I loved knowing, no matter where I was, that I wasn't alone...that it was me & someone else. I couldn't wait until my tummy got huge and round and what I wouldn't do to feel you kick again. I loved being pregnant. I loved it, loved it, loved it. It was a perfect pregnancy, a dream. And when I knew that our time together, being a part of each other was almost over, I cried. I cried because, despite the fact I was just sick with excitement to meet you, hold you, love you...I knew you wouldn't be a part of me physically anymore. And that is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to me. Ever.

You were due on April 1 and Daddy and I thought you weren’t going to come any earlier. I remember the doctor kept telling us that you were a “textbook” pregnancy, so we naturally thought you would come on your due date. On the Sunday before you were due, we had big plans of going out to lunch to watch the end of March Madness and then to walking the aisles of the grocery store. And we did – both while holding hands and laughing. It was the perfect Sunday, a perfect Spring day. We had no idea you were on your way. I remember feeling wonderfully happy.

And then I felt a cramp. And then another one. And then one more that was a little worse than the first two. By this time we were home - Daddy was outside working in the garage and I was relaxing on the couching in my favorite sweats. I remember waddling outside and handed Daddy his cell phone and told him I think this is it. He just smiled and said ok, go lay down I will be in soon. I went upstairs and laid down – and called him right away because they were worse. Daddy became my hero. He called the dog sitter (who didn’t answer and so the dogs were left home), packed the car and all but carried me downstairs. He drove us to the hospital like a pro (ran a few red lights and missed all the bumps on the road ¬) while holding my hand and telling me it was all going to be ok. I will never forget the look on his face and the steadiness in his voice. His face was the beautiful mix of scared and excited while his voice was confident and calm.

The hospital was quiet and not busy at all, like they were waiting for us – Daddy had to leave me in the car while he went to go find a wheelchair, I would have sworn you were going to come out while I was alone and waiting for him to come back for us. He came back and hustled me to the delivery ward. As he stopped to get us checked in, a nurse saw the look of pain and anticipation on my face and whisked me away knowing that you weren’t going to last for the check in process. She was wheeling me away asking important questions, which I don’t remember, when my water broke.

I remember looking at Daddy’s face and my fear of him being less excited than I was completely dissolved. Everything thing I was feeling inside was showing on his face. I remember feeling very very in love with the man I married. It was just so...real. And happening.
I don’t remember how I got there but I was still in my tank top up on the delivery bed with the nurses and doctor (not my doctor, but some strange doctor) telling me to push. I looked right at Daddy and told him I need to get my epidural first, and a nurse laughed – she actually laughed – saying there wasn’t time, that you were coming now. The atmosphere in the room was happy and jovial and everything I wanted for your birth. Everything I wanted for my perfect Spring Sunday. I remember the nurses joking with each other and the doctor telling me it will all be over in a few minutes – I couldn’t tell you what they looked like or what their actual words were, but I remember the feeling in the room. It was pure elation and love.

At 6:58 pm, my world was forever changed. I remember you being placed in my arms and the instant love and devotion I felt for you. I remember knowing right then I would stop anything from hurting you. I remember when they took you from me to clean you up and get your measurements (7lbs 4 ounces 21.5 inches of joy) and I told your Daddy to go with you so you weren’t alone. You were so small and so perfect. I couldn’t get over how perfect you were. I remember it seemed like forever for you to be back in my arms, and then it was just the three of us. Our little perfect family. We didn’t have time to call anyone while I was in labor (from first cramp to holding you was less than 3 hours), so we started our phone calls to let everyone know you had arrived. I remember being so proud and emotional. I was overwhelmed with everything but didn’t want it to end. My stomach felt so empty but my heart felt so full – I remember telling you I love you over and over. I remember your Daddy holding you in a rocking chair and crying at the sight of the two loves of my life. My world was in that rocking chair and it took my breath away.

I remember thinking I must be dreaming because certainly, the happiness I felt was not humanly possible. It. Was. Beautiful. I remember it was later that night when we were moved into a nicer room upstairs. I remember the quiet of the room where it was just the three of us glowing with love – Daddy and I couldn’t stop kissing you and snuggling you. After a few hours, I told Daddy to go home, get some food, take care of the dogs and get some sleep. I remember thinking that my heart would burst, just sitting there holding you, looking at you and knowing I got to be alone with you for the next several hours, loving on you and not having to share you with the rest of the world yet. Just you and me.

I don't know what else to say. It’s just untouchable ground, that whole day is ours. Filled with pure, raw emotional love.

...I know that’s a choppy ending...but it hasn't ended. It keeps going.

My big boy

In less than a week, James turn 1. And I'm getting very emotional about it - don't get me wrong, I am thrilled and proud at how much he has grown and developed, but I still feel like he should be my little infant who needs to nurse every 2 hours - not this loud, funny, indenpendent toddler. This past year was challenging and rewarding in ways I could have never imagined. There are so many happy memories that I have, ones that I know will fade over time or will be replaced with new and exciting memories. I think thats what is making me the most emotional - I love this past year with John and James and I don't want those memories to fade. I want to put them in a box so I can take them out and relive them whenever want.

Here are just so flash back pictures of his first few weeks.

And we have our first cold in the house - James has a runny nose and a cough. Its not bad, just gross and not getting better anytime soon. His nose is running so much that its getting raw from being wiped and hes crying as soon as he sees us with a tissue coming for him. So we decided to try another technique since we obviously have a few more days of nose wiping ahead. We gave him the tissue and tried to show him how to wipe his own nose. He did a really good job playing with it, not so much with the wiping.

And when we tried to show him how to wipe... 

it did not go so well...

I think he just going to have to have snot going down his face for a few days.

For a dew days we got some warm weather - and we enjoyed every minute of it. Went for walks, played fetch with the dogs and didn't have to layer up to go outside. It was awesome. James loved not having to wear socks constantly - so much so that when the weather got colder again he refused to wear socks. He would patiently let us put them on him and then work like a mad man to get them back off.

And when he cannot get them back on, he just runs around the room with them - because what else should he do with his socks!

And just one more shot of baby feet because I can - all too soon they won't be small and cute but big and smelly so I'm gonna love on them now!

When you are talking to me on the phone and I'm with James - this is usually what's going on. You will be on speaker and James will be holding the phone. He will randomly hang up on you (sorry Amanda!) but he loves it and will talk and babble - he is like my own little personal hands free phone. Who likes to add his own back ground baby talk and chew on it...

Every night John and I watch Jeopardy. Yes, go ahead, get your laughs and old people jokes out of the way now. Are you done? Ok good. But James loves it too. He loves the music and all the different sounds and the monotone voices. He will sit next in between us on the floor watching with us - Its has become our family time together before James goes to bed. And usually its really relaxing and full of cuddles and hugs. Ususally. Except on nights when James looks right at John, gets the giggle fits and then takes off - like "catch me Dad!". And John of course goes stomping after him and picks him up, throws him around and tickles him mercilessly. And then they do it all over again. While Im in the background, trying to stay out of the way and straining to hear Alex Trebek.

 

Just a few pictures of James walking - he is really starting to get good now! A lot less falling and more landing on his bum.

 

 

As you can see, he always has something in his hand - he is a constant source of energy and always getting into something. I have heard many comments about how its unbelievable he takes 2 naps a day (for an hour or more) and then will still sleep a full 12 hours at night. If you saw how hard he played, you wouldn't think it was unbelievable at all. Little Dude is nonstop!

 

He has this toy truck that makes a popping sound when pushed and he cannot get enough of it right now.  He will push that truck all over the room and back again. Its great because I always know where he is!

I try to read the news every day (and not just the gossip section!) but its getting to be overwhelming, and not in a good way. Before I was a mom, I would read articles and think wow that's sad or wow that's just unbelievable. But now that I have a child of my own - most of these stories really shake me up. Today I read about the fire in PA that took the lives of 7 children - I did not get through half of it before I felt like I needed to run and grab James, hold him as close as can be and never let go.

And once we got home, that's exactly what I did. I held him and smothered him and didn't let him go until he fell asleep... and even then I didn't want to leave.

Bumps and Bruises

This walking thing is hard! Friday night James got this huge bump on my head from falling and now its turning yellow and growing even bigger. This picture really does not do it justice.

So for now instead of letting him run around the kitchen like the crazy kid he is, he mostly stays in his pack and play unless we can watch him. He is way too daring and not nearly cautious enough. I was worried he would hate being confined but he loves it! He run in circles around it and bounces up and down. Its really the funniest thing - he is a very laid back happy baby, but I really did not think that this would be as big of a hit as it has been.